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Sexuality, Sensuality, Both...

Both sexuality and sensuality are tools that can enhance your relationship. But it requires communicating honestly with each other about your needs and desires. When you are both on the same page you can have a wonderful time expressing your sexuality in fun, sensual ways. When you’re not on the same page, opportunity is presented for one or both partners to be dissatisfied in both arenas. So, talk about it.

Have a balance of both

What is sexuality and sensuality? Sexuality is not as black and white as you may think, and it is something that still evolves daily. One of the common interpretations is sexual preference. However, it also encompasses the capacity for sexual feelings, libido, lifestyle, biology and a persons upbringing. Each of these are factors that can affect someones sexuality. Keeping these things in mind, in totality sexuality is a persons want/ability for sexual interaction regardless of who it's with.

Sensuality, is the act of stimulating the senses with erotic sensations. Common forms are, but not limited to: massages, foot rubs, back rubs, cuddling, holding hands, bubble baths, soft music, soft lighting, and scented candles. Being sensual is closely related to being intimate, but that doesn’t mean it has to lead to intercourse. Stimulation is the primary goal. If you can master sensuality and separate it from sex, you can prime your partner to a degree that intercourse becomes explosive when it does happen.

Research suggests men have stronger urges towards sexual desires, while women tend to lean more towards sensuality. Of course there are individual instances where these two can be reversed, as it's impossible to generalize everyone. But in general, I've seen more circumstances that confirm this thought, than not. I've personally heard women, and men, speak to these points, and it's obvious which one they align more to. But, the safe thing is to not assume and just make sure you have that conversation. Communicate with your partner, and when you do be honest about yourself, your needs, your attractions, etc.

Considering the right timing, bring it up, because being misaligned in one of these areas can be deal breakers for some people. A common mistake that happens is when the conversation is had, someone won't believe what the other is saying. Or, they will assume that the person will "come around" eventually. More times than not, if a person doesn’t enjoy something now, they won’t enjoy it later. Instead of basing your decisions on the possibility of change, decide if that’s an element you are willing to live without.

For example, what if you have a foot fetish, but your partner is grossed out by the idea of someone touching their feet? In you desire to persuade you may say something like, "You just haven't had it done right." But what if it's deeper than that for them, it could be psychological. So, if you tie a great deal of sensuality to massaging, kissing, intertwining feet, how satisfied would you feel being denied access to them? What are others desires you have in expressing your sensuality and sexuality? Which ones can you compromise on, and which ones are deal breakers?

Exercise. Answer the following questions:

1. On a scale of 1 – 10, how important is sexual activity to you?

2. On a scale of 1 – 10, how important is a monogamous relationship to you?

3. On a scale of 1 – 10, how important is touching and sensuality in your relationship?

4. List all of the sensual and sexual activites you can live without? List the ones you can't?

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